The Monsoon Of My Dreams...

I don’t understand the relation between rain and emotions. Many of us plug our headphones and listen to the best of the romantic songs and stare at the cold raindrops falling from the sky, imagining us standing with our darling love out in the open and kissing each other. When I imagine myself in that position, believe me, my heart skips many beats. Some of us just feel an urgent need of warm and spicy treat to our watering mouth. Chai and Pakodas, as we Indians crave for in the monsoon. Some of us drop few tears remembering the void of love and the loved one in our heart and life.

I was never fortunate enough to enjoy a monsoon romance in my whole life. Monsoon, I don’t know, what it does to me, suddenly I turn into Shakespeare falling in love. The picture of me walking with him in the rain, dancing slowly in the cold drizzle and looking into each other's eyes, how perfect is that. Mmmmm, I miss him.

In a relationship, of any kind, comfort is the most important factor. When do you know you are not comfortable with that person? Well, I’ll give you just one tip; I found that it is when you are not able to meet his or her eyes. When I look into someone’s eyes, I don’t understand, but creates an unwanted bond between me and the person, which forces you to be honest, speak the truth and be bold enough to face them. Hence I stare away, looking at the hair, or the people in the background, the color of the dress they are wearing but I still manage to get people’s attention and have a comfortable chat. As being a little different from my Indian family, my mother and me have a lot of differences and unfortunately I end up doing what she thinks is inappropriate for me. It makes me feel right until I face her, and then the clouds of guilt and fear surrounds my mind. So I never had the courage to look into her eyes. But it becomes a problem when you are with the love of your life and you are unable to look into his or her eyes. It has happened to me in the past, so I do have an idea how it feels.

   But he is not like others. I can look in his eyes and suddenly I can feel the world around freeze at that moment, I feel the bond between me an him and I can see how much he trusts me. I never lie to him, except for that I had breakfast in the morning (giggles). Hmmmm, love..makes my life so beautiful…!!

And it rains! Blessings are showering from heaven. But alas, even today I just have to dream about my perfect monsoon moment. And soon it shall come true.

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Life Just Stopped!

Life becomes like stagnant water in a pond sometimes, which never seems to move anywhere. I feel the same when I see my other friends and my boyfriend going to college happily, telling me they got admission here and are gonna join on this date and so on. I feel like I am never going to come out of these blues and my life will never move anywhere good.
  I know this a temporary feeling, but it makes my days look like years and my heart just keeps sinking to the bottom of the cold and dark ocean. You get used to the gloominess and you start thinking that this is your fate and you were born to be like this forever.
    My boyfriend is doing a lot to keep me happy and stress free, I keep talking to him and tell stupid things but suddenly now, I have nothing left to say. Whatever good is happening in my life, it is in his presence. When he is not there, nothing happens. So I am always quiet after half an hour of telling sweet things to him and then I find no words or no topic to talk on.

  He says, ‘Babe, no matter what happens, always be prepared for the worst and you would feel less pain when things don’t turn out to be happy in the end. Expectations are like a cobweb in one’s life. The more you expect, the more you would be disappointed.’ He’s probably right; hence I have accepted this sadness as my life from this point. If things turn out to be happy, then I will be the happiest girl in the world. But if it doesn’t, then I will probably have no tears in my eyes. I know I sound crazy, but this is the only thing which is runing in my mind at present.

The Balance of Good Bad and Horrible

The Universe is in perfect balance, nothing is imbalanced here. Life is a collarge, a painting,  in which all the elements and colorsfit in perfectly. The good times are always followed by the tough ones. Similarly, when we are going through the hard days, we should hope and have strength to look forward for the happy days.
Whenever I am sad..I just pray that it goes off soon and I get to live happy again...I just don't give up dreaming big and happy things. It might sound like a lunatic, but even if I am in the biggest trouble, I will dream of window shoopping, going out for the nicest food and the PJs' I crack, and what not.
    Never stop dreaming, and always keep dreaming about the happy moments. As I said, you need to be ready for the tough times, but you need to have plans to make the best of your happy moments. They should be the ones you should be peaceful. Live all your happy moments to the fullest, only then you will be ready to go through the sad ones. Stay happy!

Life Goes On And On:

There is one universal thing about life, that it never stops. No matter what happens, life goes on and on. We live and we die. And we become memories. And even then, things happen which affects the way we are being remembered. In your funeral, if the coffin is too small for your body…oh shit! One new problem…and one more new story..one more thing to be remembered about you.

When was the last time you were dying to time travel and see the future? Patience is so important but at times, we lack it. When I was getting into a new relationship with this awesome guy from my college, I couldn’t wait to see where it is going. Now I have failed in one subject during the finals of my college and I have put it again for re-checking. And am doing whatever possible to just kill the time and see what is the result. God tests our faith in Him and He wants us to learn to be patient and have super strong faith on him. But as the time passes by, I am seeing myself in the situation where I am standing as a failure and I have to struggle through all the lessons in that chapter again. More than that, I already got into one of the most prestigious colleges in town and now just because of few marks, I am probably gonna loose it.

As I said before that when life gives you lemons, you need to be brave and shameless too. But I also said that God wants us to have super strong faith on Him. if you feel like time traveling and going either to the past to rectify it or to the future future to see the results, remember, we have to learn to be patient now. Or we are gonna face similar problems again.

The Turning Point:

I never imagined how my life should be until I saw other people enjoying life..big cars, designer dresses, designer shoes, lot of money and so on. I thought these things are like the most important things in one’s life. Why do we study so hard, of course to get educated and get a good job? We work hard for our better future and happiness. I was blind. I couldn’t live those dreams and it was killing me from inside. I started weaving dreams that one day I will finish my studies and I will get all I want. Silly me. But when I got into the worst relationship in my life…and got educated that I have to learn how much and whom to trust. I realized that in life, it’s not important that you live in a hideous apartment then a hideous family.

    

     All those songs, which say how the girl kept a relationship alive and let her guy, win all the fights even if she is the one who is right, I can imagine the pain and tears you have been hiding so hard. I cannot say that I have done the biggest thing in the world by coping with a bad relationship and break up..but for me it was a huge turning point. I realized that how stronger I have become. I got to learn one more thing….when life gives you lemons..you just don’t need to be strong alone..you need to be a little brave and shameless too!

How Strange Life Is

I started getting proposals in my school from fifth standard. Making a girlfriend or boyfriend was so thrilling and adventurous for my friends. But i always used to wonder...what is the difference between best friends and boyfriends? What do they talk for so long in sitting away from friends,where do they get so many topics to talk for so long. Why do they like to spend time away from all the fun with friends. When i fell in love,I got answers for all. A couple can talk non-stop about so many things,if they are best friends. There should be no wall of hesitation, fear, shyness, or anything between two lovers. Me and my baby boy are just like one soul in two bodies....but it hurts a lot when your better half gets bored of you..isnt it.... :)