Odour-Captures of My History

"Are you mad, do you get high by its smell?", is the question that my mother asked me when she found me smelling my new textbooks. When I was a small girl, I used to open my new books, and take a deep breath, digging my nose deep in them, and feel relaxed. The smell of the books make me feel happy about a beginning: beginning of a new session of school, beginning of a new book, beginning of a new story, new characters, beginning of a new syllabus, everything. Today, when I smell my new books, it takes me back to those days, when I was a little girl, sitting on my bed, curiously going through the books, to see how different my new course is going to be, and how much I will have to study. With the new books, came a new responsibility, of studying harder, being grown by a year, and trying to behave accordingly.

Smell has been an enchanting sense for me, as I am blessed with the skill of recalling smell of different things, and get lost in the time that it belongs to. I miss the smell of the fresh cow dung, waiting to be picked by my Maami in my Granna's house in Assam, which brings the memory of the fresh and soothing mornings of my summer vacations in my childhood, I miss the odour of the wooden chulha, which reminds me of the delicious sweets that my Granna makes when I used to visit her. I miss the smell of moss, which brings the mud trails and my endless ventures in the farms with my cousins. I miss the smell of my Dad's fart, which of course was disgusting, but now its lack brings his absence around me, a void in my daily routine of him farting next to me, and laughing like a small kid, as if he had just accomplished the most naughtiest deed of his life once again. I  miss the smell of my Mom's skin, which reminds me how close she used to hug me, to rock me to sleep, how close I was to her for a moment, and how far I am from her today.

Odours and odours, they are like captures of memory in my head, which brings me to the joy of remembering the best things of my life, and reminds me how distant I am from them this moment. Life just goes by, and all it leaves behind is memories, sheer thoughts of absence of something in your life.

Love is a Test, a Life-Long Test

When you are in love, there are moments when your lover looks like the best thing that has ever happened to you in the world, and the best part of your life is happening now. But after some time of you being with your partner, something seems to be missing, something seems to be out of place. After few months of being together night and day, you seem to observe the beautiful show that your lover has been putting on so far, being so calm and patient, it seems to be fading away. It brings me to a question, is there a right time and age of falling in love?

When I saw Meera being happy with Sameer, and the endless list of gifts, surprises, dates, and romantic small nothings that they both shared, I envied them so much, I envied Meera so much. So young, and they look to be much better than us adults. But after few months of all these lovey-dovey days, Meera started to whine about her love life, that she hardly has time for herself, that Sameer had changed, and now is such a different person, and so on. I thought maybe she is too young to date and understand the complexities of a relationship, and hence I advised her to finish her high school and then date anyone, ever. But these days, I am facing the same problems with my long term boyfriend, who is pursuing a Masters degree with me. I wonder, am I too young too to understand a completely different person, or is it just not the right thing now to be with him?

With the time withering by, and the life changing our thoughts everyday, every moment we emerge as a new person, a new individual. And this is what we need to care about when we are in a relationship with a person, that we are changing as much as he/she has changed over time. This is the foundation of a relationship, understanding. When you go along with a person in a journey of love, care, marriage, and family, you need to know that this is what it takes to be happy with your partner, an understanding that the person living with you is loaded up with more qualities that makes your temper go high off the roof, than the ones which makes you melt down to the ground. A peace with this very phenomena is what would bring peace in your relationship.

Meera understood this fact in a bitter way, and since she loves Sameer a bit too much, she is working out on the compromises with Sameer. Sameer too is taking initiatives to understand what Meera hates about him, and is trying to control his habits to keep her happy. And do they live happily ever after, well, only time knows

We Need To Talk!

It just needs three words to start a romantic relationship and then end it completely. If you know what I am saying. “I love you” is a short sweet phrase that would gear up a new life but “Its over now” can crush everything into pieces.

Why do people go through breakups? In my life, I went through only one painful break up that almost killed me. I always wondered, why is that he just found love in some other girl even after such a beautiful relationship! Why is that we didn’t give a shot to save it. I kept blaming myself for all this mess. Maybe we are too different we got tired of adjusting or maybe we were not meant to be together. May be this all happened for my own good. After a year of that breakup, I could clearly see that it absolutely was for my good. In fact, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Have you ever wondered that what makes people just walk out of a relationship so easily and move on with their lives? Why is that they just walk away and find someone new to romance with. How could they do that and get sleep at night?

I tag such people under the category of cowards. It sounds a little rude, but I found that the secret behind all the successful married couples is that they have the courage to mend things and live with it. Who doesn’t have flaws, some you can have a control on and and you can't help with some, but that nowhere says that you should start finding a new partner who possess those missing qualities. What if they lack other important qualities which you desire, will you dump them again?

Those people who keep jumping from one partner to another don’t have guts to face a real life with them. They are so adamant that they won't adjust even a bit and sooner when things start to be practical and a little different, they will run away.

If you have the guts to be committed and face whatever comes on the way, you are a real hero. Being into any kind of relationship needs a lot of courage, guts and bravery. After all, “Break-up” and running away is the favourite activity of cowards.

Waiting waiting and waiting....

How it feels to keep waiting for something you want to happen at the soonest in your life. Waiting for your crush to ask you out, waiting for a good news in family, waiting for your husband who is yet to return from his office etc. etc. Sometimes, waiting can turn out really depressing and sad. Have you ever felt that what if the moment you are waiting for is never going to happen in real life?

I suck at waiting for anyone, anything in this world. Trust me, if you ask me to wait for you, then you are going to regret it. I have always been hyperactive and impatient. When I used to read chapters from Ramayana, I used to wonder that how the hell Ram agreed for the fourteen years of exile. Fourteen years?? I could finish my schools right from kindergarten to high school in fourteen years! How could someone be so patient and calm? I don’t believe in waiting, I feel it’s a waste of time. I would rather start the journey than wait for my mother to get dressed and half an hour extra for the accesories and make-up. Am so sorry, but I am just like that.

I would say that I avoid waiting to prevent the clouds of negative thoughts, gloominess and depression. Walking fast doing and any kind of activity keeps me engaged and keeps my spirits high. Window-shopping is the best example to  be mentioned here. I like to go around and see things and dresses and then try them out. Then I re-think about the visits, budget and quality after trial in at least seven outlets and decide that which "one" is worth buying.

People like me, who are like an Express train (giggles) like to do things quicker. We end up having so much time left in a day to invest in leisure works or to polish our skills. You got 20 minutes in your schedule with no work, why not read a blog or a book or shop something online. Why not see the reviews of the latest cosmetics and bath products, or apply a face pack on your face and just relax. See, who knew that walking fast in the market to shop groceries could sa you so much time!

In the end, I would like to say that it’s good to be patient, but it's not bad at all to be impatient like me. Who knows how much time we gotleft in our life. Let's make the most of it, by not waiting for thhings to happen in our life.

The Monsoon Of My Dreams...

I don’t understand the relation between rain and emotions. Many of us plug our headphones and listen to the best of the romantic songs and stare at the cold raindrops falling from the sky, imagining us standing with our darling love out in the open and kissing each other. When I imagine myself in that position, believe me, my heart skips many beats. Some of us just feel an urgent need of warm and spicy treat to our watering mouth. Chai and Pakodas, as we Indians crave for in the monsoon. Some of us drop few tears remembering the void of love and the loved one in our heart and life.

I was never fortunate enough to enjoy a monsoon romance in my whole life. Monsoon, I don’t know, what it does to me, suddenly I turn into Shakespeare falling in love. The picture of me walking with him in the rain, dancing slowly in the cold drizzle and looking into each other's eyes, how perfect is that. Mmmmm, I miss him.

In a relationship, of any kind, comfort is the most important factor. When do you know you are not comfortable with that person? Well, I’ll give you just one tip; I found that it is when you are not able to meet his or her eyes. When I look into someone’s eyes, I don’t understand, but creates an unwanted bond between me and the person, which forces you to be honest, speak the truth and be bold enough to face them. Hence I stare away, looking at the hair, or the people in the background, the color of the dress they are wearing but I still manage to get people’s attention and have a comfortable chat. As being a little different from my Indian family, my mother and me have a lot of differences and unfortunately I end up doing what she thinks is inappropriate for me. It makes me feel right until I face her, and then the clouds of guilt and fear surrounds my mind. So I never had the courage to look into her eyes. But it becomes a problem when you are with the love of your life and you are unable to look into his or her eyes. It has happened to me in the past, so I do have an idea how it feels.

   But he is not like others. I can look in his eyes and suddenly I can feel the world around freeze at that moment, I feel the bond between me an him and I can see how much he trusts me. I never lie to him, except for that I had breakfast in the morning (giggles). Hmmmm, love..makes my life so beautiful…!!

And it rains! Blessings are showering from heaven. But alas, even today I just have to dream about my perfect monsoon moment. And soon it shall come true.

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Life Just Stopped!

Life becomes like stagnant water in a pond sometimes, which never seems to move anywhere. I feel the same when I see my other friends and my boyfriend going to college happily, telling me they got admission here and are gonna join on this date and so on. I feel like I am never going to come out of these blues and my life will never move anywhere good.
  I know this a temporary feeling, but it makes my days look like years and my heart just keeps sinking to the bottom of the cold and dark ocean. You get used to the gloominess and you start thinking that this is your fate and you were born to be like this forever.
    My boyfriend is doing a lot to keep me happy and stress free, I keep talking to him and tell stupid things but suddenly now, I have nothing left to say. Whatever good is happening in my life, it is in his presence. When he is not there, nothing happens. So I am always quiet after half an hour of telling sweet things to him and then I find no words or no topic to talk on.

  He says, ‘Babe, no matter what happens, always be prepared for the worst and you would feel less pain when things don’t turn out to be happy in the end. Expectations are like a cobweb in one’s life. The more you expect, the more you would be disappointed.’ He’s probably right; hence I have accepted this sadness as my life from this point. If things turn out to be happy, then I will be the happiest girl in the world. But if it doesn’t, then I will probably have no tears in my eyes. I know I sound crazy, but this is the only thing which is runing in my mind at present.